Children's Self Esteem

One indication of a child's level of self-esteem is the number of positive or negative statements they tend to make about themselves or about others. Other indicators include verbal or physical bullying, withdrawal, reluctance to try new things, drawing attention to themselves (ie. bragging), significant defensiveness. Poor self esteem has been related to depression, suicide, drug and alcohol use, poor peer relations, and poor school performance.

Children with high self esteem is related to good social skills, greater independence, peer acceptance, less deviant behavior, and better academic achievement. Parents are instrumental in the development of our children's self esteem. Parents can teach their children to love and accept themselves by placing more emphasis on desirable behavior rather than undesirable behavior; defining rules and limits clearly and consistently; respecting their ideas and feelings; and having reasonable and developmentally appropriate to their developmental level.

In 101 Ways to Boost Your Child's Self-esteem, Price (1982) provides practical ideas as to how parents can help improve their child's self esteem. Although this book was written in the 80's, it is still relevant today. Among the suggestions include simplifying the environment; providing children with multitude of successes each day; helping them to accept their bodies; being empathetic; allowing them to develop problem-solving skills; and teaching children honesty. There are many ways to foster a good self esteem in children and these are just a few. Parents model self esteem for children and when they accept and love themselves they will teach their children how to accept and love themselves.

Is this Normal?

Often parents ask me "Is it normal for my child to..." and sometimes my answer puts them at ease and other times it does not. I came across a chart in a parenting magazine that I have found helpful and thought you may find the information helpful as well. One thing thing that I tell many of the parents I work with to do when they are worried about whether or not something their child is or is not doing is "normal" is to start reading about child development. There are many resources that will give guidance on the web and in books. If you are ever concerned and need to talk to someone there are many skilled therapist in the area that can help meet your needs.

Lying is typical between the ages of 3-6 years old and is problematic when is consistent between these ages or during older ages.

Stealing is typical between the ages of 3-5 years and is problematic when it is excessive or at older ages.

Lack of bowel and bladder control is typical during infancy, toddlerhood, and occasional night time bed-wetting until late elementary. It is problematic during the older elementary school years, when it is excessive, or thought to be "deliberate" during the day.

Temper tantrums is typical between 11 months and 4 years old and is problematic when it is excessive or violent or when the child is older.

Lack of remorse is typical during preschool years, and occasionally at 4-8 years old it is problematic when an older child is not remorseful.


Information found in: Adoptive Families

Common Classroom Rewards

Encouraging your child to do well is essential for school success. In order for your child to do his or her best in the classroom he or she must have both internal and external motivators. Sometimes it is easy for your child's teacher to find what helps motivate your child and sometimes it is a difficult task. Teacher's have many demands on them. Brainstorming ideas with your child's teacher on ways to motivate your child maybe helpful to him or her.

Classroom Rewards:
Homework Reduction
Physical Contact (Hugs, Pats)
Playing game with friend
Computer Access
Additional Recess
Free time in class
Class Jobs
Field Trip
Class games
A Certificate/ Play money
Small toys
Breakfast/lunch with teacher
Reading Special Magazine or book
Listen to music on tape recorder
Working with clay or play dough
Special pen or paper
Leading in a game
Being first in line
Show and Tell
Audiotaping a story for the class
Lunch with favorite teacher
Working on art project
Being allowed to clean chalkboards
Going to library
Being able to help in the office

Childhood Depression

Studies have indicated that of children from ages six to twelve, as many as one in ten suffer from the illness of depression (American Psychological Association, 1997). The rate of major depressive episode in preschool children is about .4 percent; this rate increases to approximately 2 percent in school aged children. More common than major depressive episodes in children is the depression subtype, dysthymic disorder with a rate of 2.5 percent (Kaplan, Sadock & Grebb, 1994.) Dysthymic disorder is characterized by an irritable or depressed mood for most of the day, for more days than not, over a period of at least a year (DSM-IV).

The scientific community has conducted several biological investigations on neurotransmitters. The research is suggesting that two neurotransmitters, norepinephrine and serotonin, are at significantly low levels during a depressed state. These neurotransmitters, allow the brain's cells to communicate with one another. Antidepressant medications block the inactivation of serotonin and norepinephrine thus allowing these neurotransmitters to be available for needed use by cerebral cortical nerve cells.

Like depression in adults, the illness has the following symptoms: sadness; hopelessness; feelings of worthlessness; change in appetite; recurring thoughts of death or suicide; helplessnes; excessive guilt; loss of interest in activities; increased irritability; loss of energy; inability to concentrate. Some key behaviors to look for in childhood depression, which maybe different from how adult depression presents itself, include a sudden drop in school performance, inability to sit still, outbursts of shouting or complaining or unexplained irritability, crying, expression of fear or anxiety, aggression, refusal to cooperate, use of alcohol or drugs, complaints of aching arms, legs, or stomach with no medical cause.

Therapy is essential for children struggling with depression so that they can develop the skills needed to cope with symptoms of depression. Researchers have also found antidepressants to be helpful to some children, but must be monitored by a physician with expertise in this area, usually a child psychiatrist. The combination of psychotherapy and medication therapy has been proven to have better results than either psychotherapy or medication therapy alone. If you suspect that your child or adolescent is struggling with depression contact a therapist for a comprehensive assessment.

Make a Difference

The Starfish Story: adapted from The Star Thrower by Loren Eiseley 1907-1977

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.



One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.



As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.



He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"



The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."



"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.



To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."



Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"



At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

The New Year

I am interested in using this blog as a place to write about topics that I hope parents find helpful. I also will summarize reading that I have stumbled upon that I find useful in my practice or in my own parenting journey. I would love feedback as to topics that you might find helpful. The field of child mental health is ever changing with ground breaking research and new methods of treatment. It is an exciting field and I am so blessed to be a part of it.